Saturday, September 2, 2017

lost poet wandering

I do, very often, lose myself in my dreams... in the middle of a conversation or a prayer or in the madness of my love making... I will drift off into another world – which I sometimes confuse for reality – as that other world is so much better than this chaos I have been thrown into... but... said the master... in a dream or a letter or channeled through the ether... “the dream is the reality...”

I have spent the majority of my life chasing after magic – in poetry and art, in books and structures and kisses... in hidden places and the passing glances of beautiful strangers... magic is what my soul yearns for – the mystical, the mysterious... the mythical... the illusive and the spiritual.

There is an empty space inside of me – that part of you that is the bridge between your heart and your soul... the passageway between the ego and the mind... for me there is emptiness and I have wandered around the world and floated through the astral realms and even cloaked myself in the shadows of the occult and let myself linger, perhaps longer than I should have, in the libraries of madmen in search of meaning and reason and some simple philosophy that could ease the anger and hatred I have carried with me and carry still... a spell or a curse to pull the whispers of my creator out of the smoke and the fire... something to reassure me that I will not go out of the world the way I came into it... but... perhaps that is the best of all possible ways to go out... covered in blood... screaming and cursing the God that gives... and takes it all away...

I have gone down paths, in search of the eternal fires and forbidden waters, that angels did tell me “we will not go after you if you cannot find your way back from that temple in the dark”.

I never abandoned my God... though I feel many times... my God may have abandoned me... and I wonder now, as an older man (but not much wiser), was he watching me through his spyglass all along as I stumbled and crawled and bartered my way back home from those places I knew I never should have gone looking for to begin with... the strange thing of it all, is that the magic was there waiting for me to stumble upon when I returned from the abyss of my heart and the maddening stillness of my mind.

I wake from the dream – or fall into it – at destinies will. I come out of the cloud and find myself in a book dealers holding some delicate grimoire in my hands or I'll materialize in a crowded corner of an antique shop caressing a pocket watch or some old mans spectacles searching the details for a trace of it in my memories... I whisper words to trinkets in hopes they may remember me and call out to me by name and reveal to me those secrets I left behind in a far away place when we wandered the world together in search of the same magic... I still have boxes filled with all those trinkets – pins and watches and tools... old picture frames and cigarette cases... stamps and postcards and strangers journals... on shelves in a closet in a place the world will ignore as it rushes toward the apocalypse...

I had to stop and think of the restless dreams and hopes of old cowboys... do they get carried off in the dust and come to rest on the wings of butterflies... only to be shaken loose as they fly into a storm. What of the sad stories and lies of solitary sailors that no-one will ever hear... is there an angel in the waters swimming after those echos - stuffing them into a bottle and flying them away to a mountain where they come out of the glass as sighs disguised as clouds erupting into rain... will I too just be forgotten... will anyone collect the dreams I leave behind... will there be any proof for the world of the love I made and the tears I cried... and the desires of my soul... when the fires have stopped burning on the sun...

Will she ever know... for me... it was real.

Monday, August 28, 2017

An Old Man Dies

The old man wanted to die amongst his collection of books and artifacts and discarded memories that he had collected throughout his life time – a life that had now run out of time... but what times they were, he thought to himself trying to focus on the younger man sitting at his side but his eyes could not function as he would like them to – to gaze one more time on his students, many of whom filled the small back room of his antique shop which was his home for the last eighty years of his life – he had said... and one student had mentioned to others that the master had confided in him that he was actually one hundred sixty years old. The teacher was a wonderful story teller and his wealth of knowledge and information was without bounds as was his personal fortune, some of which was actually just sitting on the shelves of this little back room – a sketch book of lovers Pablo Picasso intentionally left behind on a table in a hotel bar in Madrid, a box of gold coins stolen by a band of Templars from a French noble when the church turned on them and they became pirates, St. Germain's journal containing his formulas and equations for immortality and it was once speculated by members of the realm that the professor had in his possession that magical wonderful thing that angels themselves fought over that grants unlimited power over time and space... but the most valuable of all, for the old man, was the book containing the names of all the young men he had brought into the the guild and the brotherhood... and as he laid there fading into night for the last time trying to decipher the whispered voices of the students in his room and the ones in the hall and those in the front room of the shop... his mind drifted for an instant to his child hood... in the home of his own master, when wandering the halls of an ancient castle built to protect the growing wealth of the guild, he pushed open a strong metal door and entered a room with an old wooden chest laying open on a cold stone floor and a tub filled with water just a few feet away from it... he walked slowly to the trunk and looked down into it and found an infant dragon looking back up at him... his heart raced... in his memories and the old man whispered -

“It was a green dragon... from the orient... it was a green one... the last one... it did not survive long...” he began to cry... the room went silent and the men in the house listened intently to the last words of the master. “We tried everything...” his joyful memory was now tormenting him...

Laurence placed his hand on the teachers chest and tried to calm him “that was a long time ago, the order has survived... because of you the order has survived...” but the old man was drowning in emotions he had held back for a hundred years.

“We tried everything... but the young dragon was ill... and his mother was dead... it was the last one... but we did not bury the creature...” and the men standing around the bed leaned in closer for the secret to be revealed...  “he was preserved... wrapped up like the old kings... he has a tomb of his own... that little dragon” he placed his trembling hand over Laurence's hand - “Boris?”

“It's me, Laurence, teacher”
“Boris is dead, master... he was killed in the Middle East... that damn war”
“Boris is alive... he knows...”

He squeezed Laurence's hand “take this ring from my hand Laurence... You will lead this guild... and find Boris... Boris is alive... he knows the secret of the dragon... he knows the tomb of the 'little king'...” the old man took in a deep breath... and with his frail hand motioned Laurence closer to him.

The younger man leaned forward and the teacher whispered...

“It's a dream, my boy... the dream is the reality...” and he drifted off to sleep.

 - to be continued -

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

For the Record - a fascist's (drunken) rant

 "An intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent, it takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction"
 - E. F. Schumacker

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you"
 - Lao Tzu

For the record -

I am being told and I read every where that people who wish to preserve their culture and traditions and religion and that believe in a natural order such as there are only two genders and the sacred union of marriage is only between a man and a woman and that man is the hunter provider and woman the nurturer... makes me a NAZI – really... A NAZI. For the record – I am no NAZI – but the subject fascinates me.

Let's make this clear – I am not with the Alt-Right, the far-right, alt-lite, the neo-NAZIs, White Supremacists, or Kekistanis... I have never protested nor attended any protest or participated in any marches for any cause (and I do not wear bracelets or ribbons for anyone). I have never had a driver's license nor do I hold any licenses of any kind for anything. I have never registered to vote or for anything else and I have never asked a bureaucrat for a permit for anything – I am suspicious of big governments and those that want one... this I am told makes me a nutter of sorts.

I belong to no political party – though I have always liked Ron Paul as a Statesman. I have lost my faith in the democratic system as it always seems to lead to socialism – and of that “ism” I am not a big fan. Capitalism is an “ism” that I like – consenting adults agreeing on a price for services and products provided... or bartering... I am told this is a bad thing by young socialist who seem to have the support of global corporations that rely on capitalism... for profit.

Racism. Yes, I have very strong opinions about certain ethnic groups and cultures based on my personal experiences with them... this I am told makes me a racist – having negative opinions and wanting to just avoid them for my personal peace of mind... racist. I know, I know... their not all like that... but until I come across the ones that are counter to the opinions I have of them then why not just let me stick with my own kind or just leave me the hell alone... when I was growing up the rule of the street was “don't start none – won't be none”... that's called the golden rule – it is how one finds his own personal utopia... but... unfortunately... the young modern socialist does not want you to live in your own personal utopia, he wants you to live in his.

I am not violent nor do I want any part of it... but don't push me mother fucker... because I got a fuckin' demon inside of me that wants to rip your face off and throw your squirming body on Satan's altar just to make the voices go away... did that come out insane... I know – you don't believe in Satan or God... but they do – the men using you to further their agenda... their “Ordo Ab Chao”.

Yes... they do.

When it all goes to hell in the United States – I have nothing there anymore... I own nothing that can be taken away from me... nothing... no material possession to be stolen and redistributed... no material possession to give a damn about and I am happy... but that wont do for the young socialist who wants me to be as miserable as he is in his utopia of equality – where I must have something to be liberated from or victimized for or held over my head or threatened with to keep me in line.

The purge has begun – free speech... no more, thank you general but do keep those wars going so the checks don't stop.

I don't pretend these days to be anything other than what I am – a half-breed Mexican with American citizenship who wants nothing more than to live my life in peace and solitude on land I can call my own and be able to keep what I have earned with my blood, my sweat and my tears... I want a traditional family to help preserve my culture, my race and my religion... away from the madness of greedy parasite do-gooders that I don't give two shits about... cause here's the honest truth - At the end of the day in the soft glow of the candles on my desk, I don't care about the color of your skin and what you have or don't have or what ever your problems are and what your political views are and what ever the fuck you are fighting for or not... I just don't give a damn... about your religion, your god... your country... your beliefs... I don't give a fuck... if you're gay or straight, or think your a furry cartoon character... I just don't care, and what I think bothers the young socialist do-gooder the most, is that he knows that the average middle class, middle aged men of the world that just want to work and take care of their families and keep the wheels of society spinning as they have for just another day and maybe get to keep a little bit more of what they worked hard for... they don't care... not enough to walk out on the job and go protest and march and riot... there is just to much to get done – you ungrateful pieces of shit... but trust me... your waking up the wrong dragon... but I think that is just what angers you the most... men like me who have more than you but nothing to show for it that don't care about your insignificant worthless ass, that no one will miss when you are dead, just don't give a fuck... because I rely on the same globalist corporations (for my checks), that support your socialist revolution... but still... that makes me the evil one... the world is a pretty fucked up place when those on the right invest money in the companies that support the efforts of the left in a country propped up by free market capitalists that wish to destroy free speech... insane?


But there it is

Yeah... I know... today I don't give a fuck because I have been drinking all day and will soon pass out and sleep for a couple of days... when I come out of my comma I will go back to shouting REVOLT! (against the modern world).

Sunday, August 13, 2017

and then what Europe... and then what?

Are people still traveling to Europe?

Did tourism take a hit this summer or was it business as usual for the tourist boards of Europa?

I don't know and I have not looked it up but I would imagine by now Americans know to stay away... or do they?

Again... I don't know and I have not looked up the numbers but I do wonder if tourists arriving in Europe – let's say France, are given a list of no-go zones, or would that be considered racist and Islamophobic to inform visitors of dangerous areas in their country - “avoid Calais and Nice... for your own protection don't stare to long at the Negros... for the safety of your wife and daughters have them cover their heads and dress modestly” - no?... no pamphlets or brochures upon arrival?

Wouldn't want to scare off the Americans and Asians bringing in their hard earned money to support the hotel industry and gift shops that have supported families for so many years... that you collect taxes on to support the unemployable, illiterate refugees you love so much, Europe... that cultural enrichment must be some kind of magic.

What will become of you Europe?

I just can't figure it out... I have a damn good idea of what is happening but I can't make sense of why you are letting it happen... and just as I find it hard to find any sympathy (though I can find excuses) for suicide victims, I am struggling to find reasons to keep caring for people hell bent on destroying themselves... even more so when I cannot find the reason that makes sense for it.

Except for some suits – French, Italian, and German, and some artwork and hand crafts that I bring back as souvenirs... and my last name... I have no products made in Europe in my home. The economies in Latin Europe suck – Greece, Italy, Portugal... broke and high unemployment rates. The Northern high taxed socialist countries are being sucked dry for the sake of the new Europeans... the backs of the English working class is getting ready to break. Where is the money to support all of these unskilled, unemployable, non-integrating immigrants and their families coming from – or like basic progressive socialist, you simply do not care as long as it keeps flowing. What is going to happen when England and Sweden and Germany have imported so many third world migrants, bringing their hatred and greed and their enriching culture and peaceful religion, that you bend over back-wards to please and not offend even as these people kill and rape your sons and daughters and make your cities so unsafe that the citizens will not even be able to walk out the door to go to work to support their own families, and the poor unskilled refugees cannot and will not be trained to work as it may be offensive or considered racist to even consider the thought and your countries fall apart... and the money stops flowing because the ones doing the work cannot get to work for fear of their own lives... and the refugees start rioting because the goodies aren't being delivered on time... then the fires start... and the looting's... and the war lords rise – because these are Africans and Middle Easterner's we are talking about... and the no-go zones become tribal territories and Whites are thrown out of their homes, and Christians are beheaded in the streets and the daughters of Europe are sold and traded on the steps of your Cathedrals... and England now looks like Afghanistan, and Germany resembles Somalia... and Sweden – some fucked up country in Africa that not even the do-gooders care about...

I keep asking myself why the militaries have not stepped in – Sweden has men in dresses leading their soldiers so I can see that they are part of the self destruct agenda... but France and England... I don't understand... are these soldiers orphans and raised by the state? Do they not have families... are they not there to protect the people... their culture... their traditions...? Are they there to stomp out the resistance? I don't know.

I tell people and I have left comments on several sites on the topic of illegal immigration – if you want to put a stop to it you have to give the immigrants a reason to not want to go to your countries – you have to turn your homelands into no-go zones for them... but you have not, instead you have allowed the foreigners to create no-go zones in your own cities... what the fuck man... give me a sigh Europa... let me know you are gathering in the shadows waiting for the night to fall and you will rise out of the darkness with the fury and the fire of that dragon that is the will and determination that built the western world... show me that strength and devotion of your ancient knights that conquered and protected your many kingdoms with faith and courage and honor... let me hear the slow crescendo of thunder of the new order rising that is the heart and soul of one people, united under the banner of Christendom on the march to preserve the cultures and heritage of the nations of Europa and I will not loose respect and love for you... because if you fall, the whole of the West will fall... as for Sweden... I am still very much inclined to show up with an army of angry Mexicans and take it for myself... since you don't seem to want it... we'll get more resistance from the Muhameds and Abdulas to keep the free ride they have now... but I just might want the country more than they do... for purely selfish reasons...

We don't know what to think over here, cousins... we just don't know... but do beware of Latin American tourists traveling light, and heading North... in the off season.

Monday, August 7, 2017

... and it's worth fighting for...

kiss me goodbye...

She calls me a damn fool of a man.

She blames me for everything... every damn thing - whether it has anything to do with us or not... it's my fault she feels this way... it's my fault for making her angry... my fault when she cries... my fault when things fall apart - and they often do... It's my fault... and I will admit... to a night a long time ago... in the stillness of her fathers garden... under the moon casting a certain glow... that I fumbled and mumbled out a desperate magic spell... but I was only looking for a sign from destiny - honestly... and she herself did once admit to doing the same thing - in that very garden... on a very similar night... but still... it's all my fault for not knowing how to cast a proper spell...

And trust me when I tell you friends - she's always been a little mad - every one likes her... she is a lovely girl and very easy to fall for... she's the girl you want on your side... the one you want to have a family with... but she's nuts like the rest of them... and I always knew it... but the sound of her voice... and the smell of her skin... and the taste of her lips... is worth the rage and insanity when I get to hold her in my arms again...

And I let her come and go as she please... and I let her rain down her madness on me... I let her drown me in her fears and insecurities and jealous tantrums... and I let her pretend that she hates me and I let her pretend she's never coming back... and I let her seduce me and I let her reduce me to the point of no resistance... 

I wonder if she will forgive me when she realizes that I let all of this play out according to the script of her seduction... this is what she wanted... just the way she wanted it... this was always her game that we have been playing... but we are both playing to win... and I like playing this game... with her... breaking the rules and stacking my chips with loaded dice... because all is fair in love and war.

I can't let her win - because I cannot abandon the road I am currently on - which is what she wants.  I have to follow it to the end and see were it leads me... and she knows that... I wonder if she would forgive me if I let it all go and we lost ourselves out at see - forever... (like she said we should).


I know...

This is the man she wants... this damn fool of a man... that she keeps coming back to...

Friday, July 14, 2017

to all the girls I loved before...

I find it very interesting that over these last two years, six women from my past have contacted me through e-mail... all looking to waste my time with their bull-shit... (and some old friends as well have popped out - out of nowhere looking for me).

A couple of them I am convinced were not who they claimed – like “E”... why the hell would she even try to look for me – to be friends – I think not. I think that one may have been the person that always causes me problems – because why would my ex-girlfriend, whom I told I hope I never see again the last time we spoke on the phone after she married her Arab (or whatever the fuck kind of nigger from Africa) crying... just makes no sense.

It does not make sense that any of these women would contact me for any reason – because all these woman are women I tried to give my affections too – woman that I genuinely had feelings for, and they all throw it away after they walked all over me... yes, it was back when I was still confused about women and thought the way to get and keep a woman was to be a nice guy... I get sick at my self just remembering what I was like with these girls...

Now... the chicks I banged and treated like dirty back alley whores... I can still get today and do all sorts of nasty shit with... because I cared nothing for them... but the ones I liked and showed kindness too... will always look at me as weak and needy... if they only knew...

So why did these women come looking for your cousin Dash... after all this time?

Validation... Drama – to see how much of my time they could waste and lots and lots of attention... I am sure some of them wanted to see if they could get me to beg them to be with them... because these women are now middle aged, used up, bitter, fat (more than likely), bored with their lives and husbands and cats, and perhaps their children...

Why do women go looking for you years later young man – she wants attention – you were a good catch then and after she has been on the cock carousal and is about to hit or has hit the wall and has not been able to find a sucker to tie down or trap... she has come looking for you.... too see if your still week for her or if she can manipulate you into taking her back... don't do it...

She wants to play catch up and waste your time to see how much of it she can take from you as she tells you her problems and her her fucking life story - but has no interest in anything you have to say... she just wants you to be her girlfriend and let her fucking talk... don't do it...

She might be pregnant with someone's kid... or she may have a litter of kids from different men and looking for a sucker to support them... don't do it

She will find out if you have moved up socially – better job, more money and in better shape - maybe you are now the man she always hoped you would be – the kind of man she was seeing on the side while you were home jerking off or working your ass off all day long... and she was trying to find herself (meaning fucking everyone but you)... don't do it... burn those bridges... and keep moving forward my friend... these silly whores wasted enough of my time... I have only been back in the states a few days and have secured me a date for the week-end with an twenty year old Filipina that's only been in the country for a week... God bless Asian girls...


Take this advise from your cousin Dash - never take them back and don't waste your time with them when they show up looking for are not that boy anymore.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Hey There Europa...


hey there Europa,
what's it like living in cities
filled with muslims and non-whites
and other apes who make life shitty
how is that?
Is it worth acting like a doormat, aristocrat?

hey there Europa,
you should worry about the migrants
from now on it's up to you
and you must make it through this crisis
yes it's you,
you're the ones who must defend the land
of your own clan

oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
Europe is all we have

hey there Europa I know times are getting hard
but if you get your shit together
one day you and I could be among the stars
we'll have the life we knew we could, it's understood

hey there Europa, there's so much for me to say to you
If whites don't take back power,
then there's only one thing left for us to do
we'll erupt in chaos and start anew, I know it's true

oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have

we've all forgotten who we are,
we're conquerers with many scars
it's in our blood to battle for our kind

the populus is waking up,
but not before they've been blown up
it's hard for me to understand your mind

Europa, I can promise you
that by the time that this is through
that you will never ever be the same
guess who's to blame?

hey there Europa, please hold on just a bit longer
every day I learn so much about your past
and I grow fonder, yes I do
we'll soon make history for you
you'll know it's all because of you

hey there Europa, here's to you
this one's for you

oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
Europe is all we have

Friday, June 9, 2017

a quick note and some drawings

Good friends and readers - after my last post here my computer got hit with something and stopped working, I am at the mercy of cyber cafés so if I owe you an e-mail or you are waiting for a response please be patient - I am still on the road in Mexico but heading back north for a bit - wont be getting a new computer of my own until I reach Juarez ans find something that I like - for the moment I do like not having to worry about carrying a computer but I do have to track my business and for that I need internet - however after all the problems I have had with my computers and the internet I may only be using my next computer for business only... but we'll see.

I have met some great people and have seen some beautiful places here in Mexico that I had never seen before and I had a chance to visit a little village not many people know about that is exactly what I want to build - it is all occupied by one family... amazing place... amazing tribe.

I am enjoying this trip of mine - I have lost twenty pounds - a few months back I gained weight - but I am eating little and walking much - only doing crunches and push ups in the mornings... was in a big city and I felt like I was back in the states but getting out into the country really does clear my mind - headed for a beach before I go back north... and maybe do some sailing if my friend is there.

Until I have something more important to post... good luck.

 pages from The Book of Unfinished Faces - part ll

Sunday, May 7, 2017

A new chapter

(random thoughts that might all be connected)

I once went on a quest for the Holy Grail...

Foolish - some told me, but it was a call I could not deny... and it came at a point in my life when I was, I had been told, not a good person - though I do believe I have it in me to be worse than what those people said I was then. That journey turned into a quest for the Holy name of God - and it is one very important part of my involvement in the occult and certain brotherhoods, another reason was my need to learn and understand certain things that I was going through at the time (and still do to this day), and one group offered answers and enlightenment.  Curious and having nothing to lose in those days I took them up on their offer.

I do not speak of this part of my life with others, mainly because the conversation takes a turn to crazy-ville... and very few people (who have not experienced that world) will understand you and what you are talking about.  But still... my life does get crazy, wether I want it or not, when I step out of the confines of the peace and serenity I create for myself in the places I call home.  The chaos and the madness of the modern world drove me to want to isolate myself in solitude and simplicity... but the modern world wants me to be as miserable and angry as the rest and it wishes to take away my beliefs and replace it with the complete opposite of what I know to be right and true, it wishes to replace my God with its false idols and crush my dreams, my mind and my soul - that I will be nothing more than a weak, mindless consumer kneeling before the state for my privileges. 

Friends, I have embarked on a new quest - a quest for true believers.  I have been called upon by destiny, as other men have today, to create an order of men that will preserve the traditions of their people, their culture and  Christianity.  For the last  couple of years several groups have formed through out Europe and America and they have placed the call on-line for other men to find them and join their cause - some of these groups have come and gone off-line without warning or explanation... I am not a member of any of these groups - I have no affiliation or association with anyone.  As for my own order, I am currently on a wandering journey in search of the right men and families to join my quest of the preservation of our European traditions and the restoration of a more natural order to the world - and God willing, the formation (or restoration) of a new monarchy with a strong Christian leader not afraid to push back the heathen horde and crush the filth that is the modern world.  I will release more information at a later time.

This post was mostly to answer e-mails about my “cryptic” (as one put it) last post.

I am of mixed cultures and of mixed races - not of my own choice, I was born like this... had God allowed me to chose, I would have been born into an old and proud culture of strong traditions and beliefs - Like Japanese or Russian.  It was not easy for me to leave my country behind as a boy and adopt a new culture - especially because no one explained anything to me - it just happened... I became an American and lost all of what was in me that I could call Mexican - as for my European roots from my Father (who comes from French and German stock), I never really knew... as I got into my thirties I began to embrace my past - the cultures and traditions of my peoples - of where I come from... their legends and stories and myths and all their eccentric ways and beliefs... the music and dances and foods... everything from everywhere - I cannot get enough... but because I am mixed, raised in America, the white European side of me has had more of an influence in my life... however, being back in Mexico and South America, I feel more at home there - because I am Mexican - I was born here... I belong here... I am not Japanese nor am I a Russian - but what wonderful countries they have.

Being part of certain secret groups you will come to realize that all of these groups are really one big group - they are all the same and you will find that many members of one group are members in another... they have the same rituals and the same structure and the same leaders - and many of these members are elected leaders of many nations around the world - membership has its privileges... it is the truth.  Another truth you will have to come to terms with is that not too many events happen in the world that have not been planned and carefully orchestrated by these groups - wars, revolutions, mass migrations, famine, disease, currency manipulations... elections... feminism... cultural Marxism...  Get the idea?

Conspiracy theory... go find out the hard way - President Trump sure as hell did take a turn that came out of nowhere that has left many scratching their heads in confusion and anger... but has suddenly become mister wonderful with the MSM that was out to destroy him - war will do that... more money for Planned Parenthood, more money for Sanctuary Cities... Make America Great Again... I don’t think so - war! And where will the money come from... the men to fight these wars?

Are you afraid of The North Koreans? I am not - but already the Government has started to tell us that the North Koreans are four years closer to making a weapon that will destroy us... for the last thirty years the U.S. has been telling us that Iran is four years closer to a nuclear weapon... Iran has no privately owned central bank by the way - neither does N. Korea or Syria... and neither did Libya... but that could just be a coincidence... right? 

Japan.  Japan has always been an Isolationist country and only opened itself up to trade with the West when a fleet of American ships led by Commodore Matthew Perry of the United States Navy where sent to blow the hell out of the country in 1853.  Some would say that this was the beginning of the struggle for the Japanese people to retain their culture and traditions and identity.  The Empire of Japan in the Twentieth Century wished to be recognized as an important world power - which it was, but had the threat of an unstable China and Communist Russia very close to the west of them - if they were to protect themselves and expand their influence as a world power they had to go on the offensive...

(Taken from
With this background we return to WW II . After Germany knocked out France and invaded Russia, the Japanese took over the Indo-chinese ports which had been supplying the Chinese resistance from Vichy France in July 1941. On 25th July 1941 Roosevelt froze Japanese assets in America & imposed a trade embargo on Japan. This was followed by Britain and the Dutch government in exile. As a result the supply of oil from Dutch East Indies to Japan was cut off and an economic war was in effect declared against Japan.

The situation for Japan was desperate. To secure her oil supply Japan had to librate Indonesia  . To reach the Dutch East Indies she had to roll from Indo-China through Thailand and British  Malaysia to knock out the island fortress of Singapore  while moving her naval forces through the South China Sea . To secure her navy from American attack from Phillipines she had to secure the Phillipines. Finally to secure China & establish the East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere as the British had established their empire with India as the crown jewel, Japan had to liberate Burma & cut of the last remaining supply route to China. Before embarking on this desperate course Japan made a bid  for peace  .

On 20th October 1941 Japan proposed to the US of A that America lift it's embargo on trade, supply Japan  with oil & stop assisting China in line with it's policy towards the British empire.

America, the chief financeer & profiteer of WW II, however, saw an endless road to prosperity in widening the war. Roosevelt turned a deaf ear to Japan's appeal & moved the US navy to Pearl Harbour.  Thus when Japan attacked on 7th December 1941, the vital aircraft carriers were at sea & the useless battleships stacked neatly at Pearl Harbour to be sunk & thus outrage the American people into supporting the greatest conflict the world has seen.

The United States dropped a couple of bombs on civilians and the Japanese surrender to General MacArthur.  Their Constitution was rewritten by foreigners and they were given a new tax system designed to drain them of money to pay for reparations and they were given a new privately owned central bank to make sure they become debt slaves like Americans... but Japan endures like no other nation, though their birth rate is falling and the men are becoming alarmingly feminized  - they hold on to their culture and traditions in defiance of the rest of the world. 

Russia.  Russia  was already a communist nation when the second world war began - and history tells us that Germany invaded Poland to push back the communists.  Germany, under the leadership of Adolf Hitler had become the most technologically advanced country in the world, it embraced their culture and traditions and race with a burning passion that has not really been seen since in other nations and people. Though I have yet to see any actual proof of a “holocaust”,  history tells us that though there were not six million Jews in Europe at the time - the German’s put six million Jews to death and that same history tries to convince the world that The United States entered the war in Europe to stop the Germans from creating a Fascist Empire that would rival any other empire the world has ever known and that the world today is better off without it.  During that war the biggest alley the United States had and the country and people they were actually there to protect from the Germans were the Soviets - Communist Russia... yes, the very people who became the biggest enemy of the United States immediately following that war... and the most protected people in the world became the Jews that made their new home in Palestine - or Israel as some call it today... 

So protected is Israel today that any one wanting to boycott that nation or even dares to question it’s policies will be vilified as racist NAZI’s and might have to face the forces of the United States who will come to “liberate” your country for doing so. - because the Jewish people, we are constantly told, are the victims of the world and of course, the United States being the police force of the world must protect the victim... whatever... Germany today is suffering from a very bad case of white guilt, and all that pride of the National Socialist Reich has faded away and the Germans seem to be determined to commit cultural suicide at an impressive velocity... The Soviet Union, by some miracle or accident, fell apart over night with out a revolution and absolutely no resistance - though some chaos did follow as is expected in the rebuilding of a nation.   Russians today have rebuilt their churches and revived their traditions and embraced their culture and seem to be heading in the direction of a people destined for greatness - the government has blocked pornography sites from the internet and has made it a crime to promote homosexual behavior in front of children, they promote Christianity and even give awards to recognize big traditional Russian families.  They are even coming to the defense of countries the United States wished to impose it’s form of democracy on.  I have a soft spot for Russia and not just for the woman or because I get massive views from the country, but how they have turned the country around is impressive and to be admired - their promotion of Christianity and traditional families has my stamp of approval - for what it’s worth.

So what does all of this have to do with me - well... knowing what I know and seeing what I have seen, it is just a matter of time before social justice do-gooders invade Mexico and try to take away the traditions of my people and stomp out our cultural pride - why would they do that you ask - because all the traditions that the world associates with Mexico were given to us by Europeans.  Mexicans fought the socialist to save Christianity once already - we will do it again...

A while back I was doing research into the history of the Patagonia region when I began to come across stories of giants that dwelt there long ago, so I began to look into that when I came across the works of this man Robert Sepehr - a soft spoken researcher who tells a good story (might he be following in the footsteps of Joseph Campbell?) and has a subtle way of connecting the dots in front of him given the crumbs history leaves behind for us.  His audience is growing since I first found his videos and some may find some of what he talks about to be far out there - but I myself can be pretty far out there too... either way if some of his videos do not inspire you to want to preserve your culture and the traditions of your people, then my friend, you might as well join the other side.

I want to share this video of his with my visitors - that it may inspire you to seek the truth.  For a very long time I have read everything I can get my hands on about the German people especially if it pertains to the era of the second world war - I am more than fascinated by it... in Mr. Sepehr’s videos, if you care to go through them on his youtube channel, you will see that lately the Swastika seems to play a big role in them.  The Swastika is an ancient symbol that may be of celestial origins and can be found through out history all over the world - even in Ancient Mexico in the Aztec and Mayan cultures. But this symbol has been demonized and banned in many places - I for one am very interested to find out why that is.

The time is near my friends - build your tribe and chose a side.

The Russian awakening - Robert Sepehr.

The state of Fracne today:

These days I can only believe what is in my heart and I can only find truth in what my soul tells me... and I have concluded that democracy does not work, socialism only leads to anger and hatred and greed and the people with the strongest traditional families that fight to protect their culture and preserve their traditions will always be a force to reckon with... Islam is not a religion of peace and Allah is not the Holy name of the one true God... remember my quest for the Holy name of God... that quest will take some men to Egypt (Egypt sucks by the way).  When it came time for me to stand in the water and receive the name of my creator I declined to follow through - for that was too much responsibility for me at that time - it requires the preservation of tradition. And I knew then that I still had much to learn and much more of the material world I had to learn to let go of... that is a story (that will piss off a lot of people) - for another time.

Thursday, April 6, 2017


in the land of the giants

It is never easy to return to the world after you have trekked up snowy mountains and danced in the forests... and floated in the turquoise waters... and laid down to dream in the  green valleys... in the land of the giants

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Honor and the modern world

This is a response to Jack Ronin's  

Honor as I understand it to be is:

Integrity - Integrity is not compromising your moral and ethical principles, your word and your character. Integrity is knowing the lines you will not cross and standing firm on that decision no matter what threats or promises have been made.  Integrity is honesty, keeping your word, your promises, and following through on all deals made. Integrity is being true to yourself and not making excuses or apologies for living your life in pursuit of nobility or simply wanting to be a better person than those without integrity.

Dignity - Dignity is the manner in which you carry yourself without the absence of respect for yourself.  Dignity is being conscious of your appearance and your behavior and presenting yourself always in a manner worthy of respect. Dignity is never abandoning your Integrity.

Loyalty - Loyalty is being faithful to your brothers in arms, your family, your clan, your tribe, your religion and  your beliefs.  Loyalty is allegiance to one or all of the above and pacts of allegiance must be well considered and not made lightly - for making an oath is giving ones word and to break an oath is to compromise your Integrity.

Courage - Courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger or pain without fear. The strength for courage comes from within, it is inspired and nourished by faith in ones beliefs and convictions (the fixed firmness of those beliefs).  Courage is not backing down, not compromising, and doing what is right - speaking the truth, acknowledging the truth an defending the truth in this dark modern world.

These four qualities make up a man of honor. The question the modern man in pursuit of a life of honor must ask himself is “is there room in the modern world for men of honor?”  For a man of these qualities is laughed at, shunned and persecuted in today’s world - if you are a white Christian heterosexual with conservative opinions and of  traditionalist values who believes in preserving your culture and  protecting the integrity and sovereignty of your nation - you have enemies my friend... and those enemies have no honor  -  they have no Integrity, for they are not honest and will compromise themselves for the attentions they will receive from their virtue signaling, they will compromise themselves for fame and money.  They have no Dignity.  They lack any respect for themselves as is plainly visible in the obese and unhealthy lifestyles they pursue, they deface themselves and their communities and call it self expression with out regard to the effect their actions have on others that do not wish to participate in their degenerate behavior - they will parade and dance down the street naked and simulating lewd acts in full view of children and to question their behavior is equal to you being a NAZI.  They have no Loyalty to any one and will throw each-other into the fire before they abandon their cause - fear of not being accepted by the hive is what keeps them loyal to their system not faith in their doctrines for history has shown the world  time and again that the system they are working for simply does not work - anywhere... and they have no Courage - for they will not debate with you but they will argue with you or shut you up completely - because they know they cannot win an argument or a debate... they do not acknowledge facts or the truth and  they dare not speak against the hive or state an opinion resembling disagreement with their agendas.  They only have the mob of weak men (that enable) and disgusting irresponsible women - without any loyalties to themselves, to their families, to their culture - they have no traditions they wish to preserve and they have no God to believe in therefore no faith to find true strength and courage... and what they want is for you to live as they live - fat, weak, miserable, docile, and afraid... consuming anything and everything the television tells you to and providing nothing of value to your community - nothing spiritual and uplifting, nothing truly useful and helpful to better ones life, even technology is at a standstill unless it is something that can be used to remove more privacy and keep the masses docile and submissive to their masters... is there room for men of Honor in the modern world?

Well... it is only because of men of honor that the world has not yet progressed into complete and total chaos - but it will be men of honor that return us to a world where men of honor are held with the respect they deserve... and that day cannot come too soon.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

girls in color

color pencil and ink
Cindy and Jules

girls from a photo shoot
(quick, rough and dirty)

Saturday, March 25, 2017

quizas... la mitad que me faltaba

I thought at first  - stepping out of the shower, that it was one of those things that resemble memories, but might just be dreams caught between the physical and my subconscious... but I hear her sigh and the sound of the bed frame creak as she stretches out on my bed... I walked slowly to the door and peek in at my own room... and there she was... I turn to look at myself in the mirror... and shrug my shoulders at myself... I walk closer to the glass... and play with the stubble on my face... she moans the way I remember she does and again I turn to peek into the room... she’s still there... and yes, I am fairly certain that this is all real - but to have it on record - as sometimes is stated at the top of these Deringer Files - this is one man’s slow descent into insanity... sometimes I go to sleep and I never know where I will wake up - here (at this moment and time) or there (some other place)... that should ruin all my credibility... because I remember her leaving - I go over the day she left and the things we said and didn’t say... the looks we exchanged and the ones we should have... the kiss that slipped away and the moment I was certain I had lost her forever... and I remember thinking how this was the best thing for the both of us - because destiny is calling us both to different places... and different times... I told myself... and as I have so many times before... I walked away from her and the moment that might have gone another way - had I only not been so damn certain that I don’t need anything or anyone to fill that empty space inside of m that must be there for a reason... because, up to this point, nothing and no-one has been able to fill it up... and because I am an ass-hole.

I spent the last two week not doing anything of any importance - in fact, I allowed myself some time to just have some fun not giving a damn about anything - spent a couple of days trying to  track down an album on-line with a stranger I have never met... but still can’t find a copy of “For Lover’s Only” by Kimiko Itoh... someone made me an offer for my Dr. Zhivago, but I told him to go to hell because I don’t believed he deserved it... got drunk for a few days and gained ten pounds in one week... no running, no working out... flirting with every young girl I come across and have been pissing off fag boys in tight pants... and pantsuit women... made some quick trips in Mexico to look at some land and a building in Playa de Carmen... mostly just drinking and wasting time... because I got into one of those moods when I could care less about the world and it’s ridiculous problems... come on people, what the fuck... and she says that I am the most fun person to be around when I don’t care about anyone or anything... and it is true - in those selfish moments when there is no tomorrow and I say a prayer for the things that might go wrong before I  cut loose on the world... are the most fun times I have... and when did she say this... the first night...

She knows me... well, maybe not completely but she gets me... and for me - that’s a good sign... and she knows where to find me - for the most part...

We never stopped communicating after she left... she mostly sent pictures and mp3s of songs... and I would  respond with songs of my own and try to avoid those conversations she still wants to have - about a relationship that does not exist... and, honestly, I was doing all I could  to keep her filling up my inbox... and there was that letter I sent her that she may have mistook for a love letter... ladies and gentlemen of the jury - how serious can we take the words of a man that has stated online that he prefers the company of whores and lose young women... and have you read his poetry... please, how would any one believe his intentions to be noble with this young lady, whom, by her own admission, referred to the defendant as a drunken womanizer, and has run off strange women from the home of the accused on several occasions... she knew full well what she was getting into and what she would not be getting out of any relationship - if indeed any should ever exist... with this misunderstood client of mine... but yeah... that letter may have gone to far, because I was calling her out and this move of hers may just be her calling me on my own bull-shit... the games we have to play...

I can’t remember telling her where I was going to be that day but I must have - I promised to help someone out with a negotiation, but really, a couple of us were just accessories that looked good filling up the room - the things one does for tribe... boring business stuff that had nothing to do with me but there I was looking like I was there to rough someone up with UCC legal jargon and market quotes... but Roland and Caleb... they just looked good.  I did not know she would be waiting downstairs in the lobby... she was facing the windows.  I watched people walk by her stepping aside to give her more space as they looked her up and down... she stood like some one I knew and she dressed like some one that did not belong there... I watched strangers look at her as if they recognized her from some where but dismissed the thought as they were certain she was from some far off forgotten dream - and she is - out of place in our modern world... see, she carries herself the way women from the old world with old money carry themselves - protected and isolated from the problems of the world - from the reality of the chaos and the madness the rest of us have to dredge through daily... but she knows how the world is - its workings. Its deceptions and its painful realities... but she has the luxury and privilege of slipping back into that old world behind a stone wall and gate were the beautiful people sleep in safety... she did not belong there among these worker bees but there she was making some people uneasy and others feel lucky to have been able to have been in her presence... a few people just lingered about to see what she was going to do as they tried to figure out who exactly she was - because she looked very important - was she some sort of celebrity... a politicians daughter?

The closer I got I came to realize who she was... and I took a deep breath and steadied my soul - what have I done... I shook my head and tried to come up with a future alibi and a prayer for whatever may go wrong next... but the prayer came to slow... she turned around... and as her eyes went wide... the crowd around us could only stand still to hear the sound of her voice - perhaps it might not be a dream at all...

She smiles at me but all I could do was shake my head... but really, I didn’t know why.

She say - “what are you doing?”

I say - “ at this moment or with my miserable life... because the answer, I am sure to both, is... I have no idea...”

“I think you know exactly what you are doing - you just don’t want others to know that you really do”.

I say - “hmmn...” and smile.

She puts her index finger on my chest and says - “you look like a man who wants to show a girl a good time...”

and I say - “you look like a girl who wants to make some bad choices...”

She laughs but she looks like she wants to cry - her eyes begin to water and she says “make me laugh...”

“Make you laugh? Make me laugh...” and I was going to say something funny but she grabs the lapel of my coat and pulls me down to her and we kiss... the crowd around us is in disbelief... who the hell am I to even dare reach beyond the stars... she releases me and tears begin.  I pull her into me to hide her tears from the world - because they belong to me... and the crowd begins to thin out and disburse... perhaps she’s just one of us after all...

She pulls away and starts to say something but grabs my hand and leads my out the building and says lets get drunk and I ask her if she has any money and she laughs but I was being serious - I had no money... and I ask something I did not want to know the answer to - “does your father know you’re here?” and she said yes... so I ask “is he going to send some one after us?”

“Do you mean is he going to send some one after you?”
“Yeah... that’s what I mean”.
“No - but my mother might get one of my crazy cousins after you...”
“What did you father say?”
“That you will break my heart... but... you already broke my heart...”


We got drunk.

I do not believe in coincidence... and I know that all the events that lead to this are somehow my fault - for I did manipulate a lot of them to my favor... and she reminds me that I did say that sometimes you have to let things play out as they may... and I need to let it happen - last time... I did everything but let it happen...

I woke up this morning in this reality... and no... I don’t know what I am doing and I don’t know what will happen this time around... but she is in my kitchen... in my shirt, making breakfast... and it feels like Valparaiso... except now there’s kissing.
 lyrics by
Manuel Flores Monterrosas

Tu eres como el agua
que bebi de la montaña
tu eres esa lluvia
con la que se baña el alma

Eres una estrella
por la madrugada
eres luz que llena
todas mis mañanas

Tu tienes en los ojos
un lenguaje sin palabras
tu llevas en los labios
agua dulce azucarada

Tienes la belleza
que jamas mirara
eres una reyna
eres una dama

Tienes en los brazos
el calor que yo buscaba
sabes conprenderme
como yo necesitaba

Tienes la ternura
que yo no encontraba
eres simplemente
la mitad que me faltaba

Tienes la ternura
que yo no encontraba
eres simplemente
la mitad que me faltaba 

Tu dejas a tu paso
la mejor de las fragancias
tu entras en mis sueños
cuando se te da la gana

Me gusta tu cuerpo
Me gusta tu cara
y me gusta el ritmo
que lleva tu falda

Tienes en los brazos
el calor que yo buscaba
sabes conprenderme
como yo necesitaba

Tienes la ternura
que yo no encontraba
eres simplemente
la mitad que me faltaba

Tienes la ternura
que yo no encontraba
eres simplemente
la mitad que me faltaba

Sunday, March 19, 2017

The "Rampage" and hatred for the women of the modern world.

 This was a comment I left over at Charles Sledge's Journal on his post Having Hatred for Women will Destroy You.  had a conversation about the topic earlier with someone and I thought I would share this here - Also be sure to check out Charles' site - start with this fine article on women here .

I went through this myself - dark days.

When I was still young and stupid I was in a relationship that lasted six years - but it was a roller coaster of chaos. I let my love for her make me weak and put up with all her bullshit no matter how humiliating until the point I just couldn't do it any more... she married three months after I left and that destroyed me, and I went on a drinking and fucking rampage... and I fucked a lot! I didn't care about anything and anyone and who I hurt along the way and I hurt many women back then... but many just kept coming back for more... but I did not give one fuck about them... I just fucked. It wasn't until I was in my thirties when I decided on the man I wanted to be and started to move in that direction - I am pleased with the results so far but it took me a while to put the pieces together and to pay attention to my actions when I reflected back on my behavior and decisions and mistakes I made in my youth - thinking a certain way will make me act a certain way, acting a certain way will get me a certain responses from those around me - so, if I can control my thoughts I can control my actions and if I control the way I act I can control how others respond to me. But this also is a power I used to get me more women that I did not care about... when it was time to get laid I went out and found a woman dressed up like a whore and I treated her like one and she was mine for the night... and I moved on - yeah, I had a lot of hatred for women - I will admit that, and the fact that women were letting themselves be treated badly justified my treatment of them - I lost women, because I was weak, to dominant men that treated them badly - "the red pill"... before I knew what the fuck the red pill was (before it was called the red pill). I am these days a solitary man, I prefer to be honest and kind to everyone and to be left alone to live my life my way.... I know it is easier in life to not give a damn about anything - but, you get what you give in this universe , so now days, for me it is easier just to be a nice guy - but being a nice guy does not get me laid and it does not get me respect in the street. We have to create other personalities for the world in order to get certain things - game to get women, mindset to get success, savagery to get respect... it will take some work to pull it all together and still keep a little bit of that gentleness and kindness that we as men need to help us do that which is right. Those that know me - my gang and inner circle know that I am a chill dude that just wants a simple life, but this modern world complicates even the simplest things like relationships. That girl was my down fall but I had to go through it, I had to learn those painful lessons the hard way - even though it was a truth I already knew, but refused to come to terms with.

All men will go through that pain and all men will go through that period of hate. Most men will go through that enlightenment and put the pieces together and find that thing called "the red pill" and many will struggle with coming to terms with the truth of it, but for many men, I believe, it is best that they learn these lessons the hard way.

Oh, in the last twenty years I have only been in one relationship with a woman that lasted a year, but all the others have not gone more than six months. Now that I am on a quest for a woman to have a family with I am behaving differently with women but I am also looking at them differently and they are responding to me differently but I am also spending less time with the tramps... we'll see what happens